Sunday School 1

NP: First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes

Welcome all you sinners. Please, take a seat. Take a seat. I'm glad to see all of you here, waiting to find out how you should live.

Well I'm going to begin at the beginning. You see, God created Earth in about 40 years (Have you ever put together a lego set? Yeah. You thought THAT was hard. Puts things in perspective). He decided that, rather than put a ton of people on Earth, he'd just make two people.

So, he made Adam and Steve. Adam and Steve didn't really feel for each other though. It would be ridiculous to assume that they'd fall for each other just because they were the only two around, right? I mean, Adam was a good looking dude but Steve wasn't really. So while Steve wanted to get in Adam's pants, the feeling was not mutual. Besides, Adam was pretty sure Steve had AIDS. ALSO, Steve was an absolute idiot. God had specifically said not to eat this one fruit but Steve just wouldn't listen. He did anyways and so God punished them by sending them to this average looking place and banishing them from the beautiful lands where God had placed them (very carefully might I add).

It got worse though. There were only girls in this new, average looking land. And none of them wore clothes. Really, Adam and Steve were pretty disappointed. And the two of them realized that if they were to ever find love they would have to find more men. Well, the naked women informed them that to make more poeple they would have to make love.

"Put WHAT, WHERE?!" cried Steve, "That's the wrong end! That's totally immoral!"

And there were further issues, such as the fact that the people they would be supposedly trying to fall in love with and build the human race with would be their very own children. But what other choice was there? So, Adam and Steve had very awkward and unpassionate sex with the beautiful naked women. It was AWFUL.

Things really propelled from there and before you know it, there were plenty of people just killing each other.

So, the point is...God has a plan. And sometimes part of that plan will consist of having you go through some pretty awful stuff (hopefully not as awful as what Adam and Steve went through) and yeah, it's pretty twisted. HOWEVER, he does have a plan. He said so. I don't know what it is yet. But I know there's a plan. SO, obey his plan. Just go along with it. Look busy. If some shady guy comes up to you and starts asking you questions, pretend you know what he's talking about and just follow God's lead. It's all part of "the plan".

G'night Y'all!